How Do I Get Over Someone?
Q. 2. From the chapter in which I answer my own once unaswerable questions.
You never get over anyone, not ever. You make a space within yourself for the expansion of your aching heart, the unrequited love, the misplaced feelings, the energy of everything that was & then you find a way to live it out. You grow big enough to hold your pain & not let it define you, you become more, better for it being a part of you. In a culture of just move-the-fuck-on this probably isn’t the most popular idea floating around the internet, but it’s the only thing that has worked for me. I am a breathing collage of all my loves & losses. I have enough space for every feeling I’ve ever felt & room for more, always more.
I’m not saying don’t let go, absolutely do everything you can to let go. Do whatever you can to get over it. I read somewhere once that break-ups prepare us for death. Have the funeral. Scatter the ashes. Cry & mourn & rage & ache & Twitter stalk until you don’t anymore. While you do the motions, take care of yourself, follow the hurt to look inside to reveal your deeper pains, work on healing those, learn what your needs are, develop a new level of self awareness & then find a way to hold what is left (because there is always something left for us, from those who are gone). Move past the details, the story part, the victim bit, do the forgiving & almost-forgetting & then use the rest as a way of being in the world, a more empathetic & kinder human who feels the fragility of all things, an expanded version of your old self, both broken & healed, loved & lost, always becoming.