I want to kill someone. I said so at work yesterday. As soon as I said it I couldn’t believe it came out of my mouth. Those were my very own words. Of course I don’t want to kill anyone. I am not violent. I don’t eat animals. I won’t kill spiders or mosquitos or any insects. I can’t even look at blood. I physically ache while watching the news. I was having a bad day and this was how I expressed it to my coworker.
Why would I say such a thing? We’ve all heard it before. This is not an uncommon expression. People say things they don’t mean all the time. Some people do kill people.
It’s these things that must force us to wake up to ourselves. I’m still a product of my conditioning and unconscious programming. We can slip at any time. Or we can rise at every opportunity.
It’s easy to feel helpless. There are so many things we don’t get a choice over; which country we are born in, what color our skin will be, how our parents and tribe will raise us. What is hard but absolutely essential is choosing what kind of person we become, with and in spite of those conditions. We get to choose if we will be violent or peaceful people.
We have an opportunity to create (or recreate) ourselves every day. In order to do this we must take inventory. We must look inside ourselves and take responsibility for everything we find. Any unresolved conflict in our hearts. Any abusive or angry thought patterns in our heads. Any limiting beliefs or opinions we are carrying that may not be true for us. Anything left unforgiven.
We are responsible for healing the violence within ourselves. This is where it begins and ends.